self-portrait
Charismatic and confident icons of society draw us in because they embody a level of self-assuredness, conviction, and unapologetic confidence that many of us aspire to but are afraid to fully embrace.
There’s a notion that’s pushed at us constantly that says timidity and conservative decisions are better than assertive boldness and taking risks. Many conform and succeed in making themselves more modest and restrained to avoid conflict. But it ends up creating a much more dangerous internal conflict. At our core, there’s an unfulfilled urge to boldly express the truths waiting to reach their boiling point within us and explode.
When I looked into my reflection after a long day of compliance and reservations, I would fantasize about all of the missed opportunities for honest self-expression. I’d daydream about confessing my true feelings, standing up for myself, or asserting bold opinions, even if they were controversial, but I’d repeat the degrading cycle day after day because of my fear of judgement and rejection.
Eventually, I stumbled upon the transformative power of self-portraits. As I crafted ideas and chose role models I wanted to study and emulate, I realized that I could embody any character I envisioned in my mind. Whether it was a more confident, powerful, sexier, more masculine, or more feminine version of myself, I could become it. In these solitary sessions, there was no judgment, no fear of rejection, and no boundaries. It was the absence of risk in this environment that allowed me to explore the traits I identify with and give voice to a suppressed aspect of myself that had long been overshadowed by my humility.
At first, they were just characters I was portraying, but as I embodied the roles more often, I started to see a shift in my public persona. Throughout the process of creating self-portraits, I was actively shaping and reinforcing my self-image. As I continued to express myself freely, my confidence soared, and the world's perception of me gradually became congruent with how I viewed myself.
I owe it all to the craft and the safe haven that self-portraits have become for me. The gap between the person I strived to be and my self-image seemed too large to fill in the daunting world we live in. But through the growth I experienced in the safety and solace of the process, I can now look into my reflection and feel confident in all of my expressions with no regrets.
